[All this hectic discussion between the members of their crew about what to do with the orb has Rosinante's full attention. He's distracted while supposed to be working, and distracted afterward too as he heads toward the outer circles to keep an eye on the city and the people in it he's come to care about.
It's like he said to one of the newer folks - there are so many of them with different experiences in life that color their wishes and actions here. And Marta, whatever her experience may be, it's clear as he reads her comments over that she's been particularly struck by what might happen as a result of the deal she made - and she's not alone.
He's been questioning, too. For months. Trying to explain it to Law when he arrived only made it worse, because it made him question even harder. What if they do all of this work to please these orbs and fulfill a terrible deal, only for the orbs to turn it around on them? Just like Welford Branson, what if the things they ask for aren't at all the things they receive?
So this is why, as he walks the outer circles, he comes to where Marta so often has set herself up to help those in need. And without greeting or explanation, when he spots her he walks on over, crouches down, and throws his arms around her in a tight hug.]
[ all morning she'd been distracted, half-aware of her surroundings as she picks through the routine she'd settled into after another month on a new planet. her sleep had been fitful, despite kovacs' best efforts to comfort her, and so she goes about the day half-robot, half-ghost.
she barely realizes what's happening until it does, and she's seized in a bear hug that threatens to overwhelm her in both grip and size. disoriented as she is, she knows only one man this size β and she's been the viewing party of a hug like this before. ]
βRosinante. [ her arms come up, resting around his shoulders. in the moment, it's easy to shake off the cloud of dismaying thoughts that'd been hovering over her, replaced instead by an instant concern. ] Is everything alright...?
[It's a more honest answer than the "yes" he'd stopped himself from giving. He lets up on his grip so he doesn't suffocate her, then lifts a hand to brush his bangs out of his eyes. Man, time for a haircut.]
This whole discussion about what to do with the orb is hard. And I saw you wondering if it was even worth it to trust them, and it... struck a chord. Are you all right?
[ marta's lips part in answer, but no sound comes out. she eventually gives him a pained smile, before reaching down to squeeze one of his arms. briefly she turns to another woman working beside her, quietly informing the woman she'll be taking her break now. that done, she steers rosinante by the arm to walk away from the tables, but once they're back on the street she drops his arm, moving to fold her own into a tight cross over her chest as they walk. ]
I don't know either, [ she finally admits, that same smile flickering across her face. ] The more I see what these things are capable of... [ she laughs a little helplessly. ] We don't have any of this in my world, you know? Magic, time travel, powers... The more I see, the more I wonder β what am I doing here? What am I messing with?
[He slouches as he follows along, but he's glad for a bit of space from the others.]
Even in my world, we don't have these. Nothing with the power to grant wishes at terrible costs. I can't speak for anyone else, but ... I agree. It's sort of frightening, isn't it?
Dunno. Frightening or not, I'm not sure we have the option to just run home anyway. And... Even if we did, I don't know if I would.
[No, he's pretty sure he wouldn't. Right? What's the right answer? Keep persisting, not knowing if any of the changes he wants to see will actually help? What if it makes it all worse? But if he refuses to help the orbs, does he just stay here forever? He doesn't really want that, not for Law's sake. If he's here, and if Law succeeds and goes back, then what happens?]
There's always a choice, [ marta hums, though her tone and gaze is distant. just as being here in the first place had been theirs to make, the option to go back will always be there... sometimes it looks like a life raft. other times it just look like a taunt.
she shuffles on her feet a little, idly kicking up some dirt as they meander. ]
You told me before, after Scorpion's Bend, that your gut was telling you to keep going. Despite how awful these things can be... Or, [ and here, she glances up, seeking his gaze, ] is it because we know how awful they can be?
[He doesn't know a direct answer to that. He keeps going mostly for one reason, and in all honesty, it's not because he wants to save worlds from orbs. He does want that, of course - what they're doing seems like it's unambiguously a good thing. As someone who always keeps fighting to protect others, this is one way to improve the lives of a whole lot of people.
But Law has to come first. Love is stronger than anything else he stands for, and it isn't right and isn't fair and ultimately he's failed as a Marine, because one person is more important to him than anything else in the world now.]
It's the possibilities that have started to scare me, and Scorpion's Bend showed us those possibilities directly. I don't want to give up on the deal I made, because trying is better than accepting what happens if I throw in the towel. But what if all this work just leads to a result like the one on that world? You spend years of your life making these goddamned glowing balls happy, only to go home and find out that your wish has been granted in the worst possible way? These things don't play nice, they don't play fair. They just want to make everything worse. Why would they honor a deal with the intent we want if they can get around that by twisting your words and trapping you in a living nightmare?
[He clenches his teeth and his hands ball into fists, feeling moments from either bursting into tears or punching a hole in a wall. Maybe both.]
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action; the fox and the hare
It's like he said to one of the newer folks - there are so many of them with different experiences in life that color their wishes and actions here. And Marta, whatever her experience may be, it's clear as he reads her comments over that she's been particularly struck by what might happen as a result of the deal she made - and she's not alone.
He's been questioning, too. For months. Trying to explain it to Law when he arrived only made it worse, because it made him question even harder. What if they do all of this work to please these orbs and fulfill a terrible deal, only for the orbs to turn it around on them? Just like Welford Branson, what if the things they ask for aren't at all the things they receive?
So this is why, as he walks the outer circles, he comes to where Marta so often has set herself up to help those in need. And without greeting or explanation, when he spots her he walks on over, crouches down, and throws his arms around her in a tight hug.]
no subject
she barely realizes what's happening until it does, and she's seized in a bear hug that threatens to overwhelm her in both grip and size. disoriented as she is, she knows only one man this size β and she's been the viewing party of a hug like this before. ]
βRosinante. [ her arms come up, resting around his shoulders. in the moment, it's easy to shake off the cloud of dismaying thoughts that'd been hovering over her, replaced instead by an instant concern. ] Is everything alright...?
no subject
[It's a more honest answer than the "yes" he'd stopped himself from giving. He lets up on his grip so he doesn't suffocate her, then lifts a hand to brush his bangs out of his eyes. Man, time for a haircut.]
This whole discussion about what to do with the orb is hard. And I saw you wondering if it was even worth it to trust them, and it... struck a chord. Are you all right?
how? was this six days ago??? im π
I don't know either, [ she finally admits, that same smile flickering across her face. ] The more I see what these things are capable of... [ she laughs a little helplessly. ] We don't have any of this in my world, you know? Magic, time travel, powers... The more I see, the more I wonder β what am I doing here? What am I messing with?
it is a mystery π»
Even in my world, we don't have these. Nothing with the power to grant wishes at terrible costs. I can't speak for anyone else, but ... I agree. It's sort of frightening, isn't it?
no subject
she eyes rosinante quietly. ]
But here we still are. Does that mean it's not frightening enough?
no subject
[No, he's pretty sure he wouldn't. Right? What's the right answer? Keep persisting, not knowing if any of the changes he wants to see will actually help? What if it makes it all worse? But if he refuses to help the orbs, does he just stay here forever? He doesn't really want that, not for Law's sake. If he's here, and if Law succeeds and goes back, then what happens?]
no subject
she shuffles on her feet a little, idly kicking up some dirt as they meander. ]
You told me before, after Scorpion's Bend, that your gut was telling you to keep going. Despite how awful these things can be... Or, [ and here, she glances up, seeking his gaze, ] is it because we know how awful they can be?
no subject
But Law has to come first. Love is stronger than anything else he stands for, and it isn't right and isn't fair and ultimately he's failed as a Marine, because one person is more important to him than anything else in the world now.]
It's the possibilities that have started to scare me, and Scorpion's Bend showed us those possibilities directly. I don't want to give up on the deal I made, because trying is better than accepting what happens if I throw in the towel. But what if all this work just leads to a result like the one on that world? You spend years of your life making these goddamned glowing balls happy, only to go home and find out that your wish has been granted in the worst possible way? These things don't play nice, they don't play fair. They just want to make everything worse. Why would they honor a deal with the intent we want if they can get around that by twisting your words and trapping you in a living nightmare?
[He clenches his teeth and his hands ball into fists, feeling moments from either bursting into tears or punching a hole in a wall. Maybe both.]